19. On the 12th day of Christmas and the 4 months since….

I wish I could tell you that by day 12 all was wonderful and marvellous and I had my basal rates sorted, my ratios and correction doses accurate and on the money, but alas; on day 12 of this pump start journey I wanted to throw it out of the window.

I was told that this officially makes me a pumper!

4 months on and I’m still fine-tuning, but that’s OK; I’ve spent 15 years doing MY Diabetes one way, so it stands to reason that it would take me some time to adjust to doing MY Diabetes a completely different way, along with some other discoveries……..

I’ve accepted that the smooth lines of Libre’s and CGM on Social Media aren’t the daily reality for everyone and so I must stop judging my own reality by these, in doing that I was creating barriers to praising my own undulating (instead of spiky) lines when they happened, even if only for a couple of hours. 

I’ve learned that literally saying out loud to my boyfriend, “I’m happy with MY Diabetes over the last few hours” makes a mammoth difference to how I feel about MY Diabetes in that moment.

Working with some wonderful professionals, I’ve acknowledged how difficult MY Diabetes journey has been and how isolated I have felt during the last 15 years. By acknowledging all of that, I’ve also acknowledged and am learning to celebrate how well I have managed MY Diabetes pretty much alone in those 15 years, how strong I have been; how strong I AM.

I have a permanent mental post-it note in my head that reads: “When someone who doesn’t have Diabetes and knows nothing about an insulin pump, assumes it’s an artificial pancreas and the minute you connect your issues will be gone, don’t let that make you feel like a failure. Educate them about YOUR Diabetes instead”! (It’s one of those bigger post-it notes).

I’m learning to unlearn, sounds daft I know, but just as you do with driving a car I developed certain “habits” around how I managed MY Diabetes on MDI. Now, as much as there are new “habits” to learn, the old habits need to be unlearned.

I accept and celebrate my bruises – they mean I’ve kept myself alive for another 3 days thanks to my battery operated pancreas and whilst they’re bigger, more regular and a little more sore than the occasional bruise I’d get on MDI – the volume of bruise causing activity associated with MY Diabetes is greatly reduced.

I’m more mindful now than ever about where seatbelts meet infusion sites, or how waistbands sit and move as I wear them. I’m getting used to considering and planning bath or shower timing and set changes, in addition to considering and planning activities and Temporary Basal Rate requirements so that I’m in charge of MY Diabetes at all times. 

I still struggle and have meltdowns over what to wear, but now I just blame MY Pump!

It’s not easy, you have to be organised and mindful and resilient, but we all do that on a daily basis anyway. I didn’t begin my journey to IPT because I thought it’d be anything less than hard work, I went this route because I wanted the best treatment for my Diabetes after 15 years of “winging it”. If I could achieve what I know I will achieve with an Insulin Pump on Multiple Daily Injections, I wouldn’t be attached to my peacock feather coated little box 24/7. MY Diabetes Consultant asked me last week if I was Happy with the decision to move to Insulin Pump Therapy, my answer was:

“Yes, because although there’s not much change right now, I am hopeful and certain that the change is on it’s way and it’ll be well earned!”



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